I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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