Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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