I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
