i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
