I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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