I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
