I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
