Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
