Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
two words: eviction party
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
