If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
