Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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