She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
