Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
