Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
