ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
