just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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