so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
