yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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