Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
