My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
