problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
