Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
