Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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