my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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