you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
