I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
