I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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