Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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