i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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