just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
