Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
