Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
