I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
