STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
