My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
