I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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