Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
