do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
