Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
