She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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