The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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