I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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