shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
