party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
