oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
