New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
