Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
