he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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