I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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