First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
