Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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