This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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