we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
